“What am I supposed to do?” I said.

“Just breathe and try not to ejaculate,” she replied as she dripped warm oil on her tan skin glistening in the candle light.

I was 24 years old traveling Germany with my girlfriend. Before I left my home in Manhattan, I had booked us a couples Tantra massage. I didn’t think I could get that sort of thing in the US. It seemed more available and acceptable in Europe. I thought it would be hot for us as a couple to experience this level of connection, desire, and arousal in the same room, yet separately. More than that, I was intrigued about what a tantra massage was like and if, as a man, I could really experience a full body orgasm.

“Didn’t I pay all this money for this experience TO ejaculate?” I thought to myself. But I took her advice, and as my eyes rolled back in my head, I melted into bliss. Her naked body gliding over mine as she handled my lingam in ways I never imagined. She knew how to work my body, increasing and decreasing the tempo and rhythm in waves of pleasure. Energy surged through me. I felt so deep into my core that although I knew it was sexual, it felt spiritual. “Breathe,” she reminded me whispering in my ear. I could feel myself reaching my peak. I started taking deep breaths into my belly. All thoughts left my head…

There was about 7 seconds between when I would have normally ejaculated and when I actually did, that I felt an expansion in my orgasm. It was 7 seconds held together only by my intention not to ejaculate and my breath. But those 7 seconds helped me unlearn what I always thought: The point of sexual gratification is to cum. It showed me there was something to this thing called Tantra. I learned that my orgasm wasn’t what I thought it was my whole life. There was more pleasure and depth available, and certainly more to learn.

There was a reason they call it a “mind blowing orgasm” and after my first Tantra massage, I got a glimpse into why.